Faith and Remembrance

For sometime now I have been reflecting on my faith. Its not that I doubt what I believe in, its just that sometimes I long for those feelings I had when I was "young" in the gospel. I often reflect on the changes in my life that led to me finding God in my life. There is a scripture found in the Book of Mormon :Helaman 5 in which Helaman tells his sons to remember key events in the history of the people. In order to remember why I believe, I also have to reflect on those moments in my history.

I cannot deny the feelings I have felt which tell my soul that I am a child of a heavenly father. Those stirrings began at young age for me out in the prairies of Wyoming. That feeling, stirring in my soul, led me down a path of religious searching. I will never forget the darkness I felt at times during my senior year of high school. Those dark times were often until until one day I was introduced to a light that would forever dispel the darkness. I will never forget those moments reading the book of Mormon in my room, pondering the implications of what I was feeling. I remember the sweet feelings of happiness I felt as I was taught about a plan of salvation. That there was a God that was merciful and wanted all his children to return to him. That even though my grandparents and loved ones were not part of organized religion, that they were not cast into an eternal hell, that even they were given an opportunity to learn.

I remember the doubt that crept into my mind as I made the decision to be baptized into a church that at one time I thought was weird and untrue, yet that doubt was ended by the burning feeling within my soul. It was like my soul was talking to some unseen force and it felt like it was coming home. I will never forget the power of darkness that tried to keep me away from that fateful day of baptism and the joy that overwhelmed me as I came out of the water and began my new life. I remember trying to be a Mormon while still trying to be with my friends. But you know, I will always cherish those friends from high school and college. Even though I changed, for the most part they honored that change.

There are too many experiences to relate from my two years serving a mission in the Dominican Republic, but let it suffice to say that I learned the real power of God and how powerful the devil can try to be. I learned that there are really two forces out there, good and evil. I remember coming home and having good friends who helped me to stay faithful. I remember learning new things about my relationship with God, and still longing for something more. That more came in the form of my beloved wife. I will never forget the day of our wedding and even though I had to leave good friends and even my parents outside the Temple of the Lord, I knew that the ceremony I was going to be part of would join me and my new wife for all eternity and not just for this life. It would be a short 9 years later that those feelings would be made complete as I was able to see my parents enter into the same temple and enjoy the sealing authority that now binds my family together, parents to children for all the eternities. I will never forget the feelings I have felt each time one of my children was born, and I look forward to the birth of the last of my children in August. There are many blessings given, responsibilities shared and the power of God has been in my life.

I have seen lives changed, people healed and souls brought back into their proper place. I know that I am loved by a Heavenly Father. I know that a man called Jesus lived on this earth and that he was more than just a man, he was the Son of God, the Messiah. I know that I am blessed to live in a time where the restored church is found. I know that even though it sounds crazy, that Joseph smith was indeed a prophet of God. He truly did see what he said he saw. I know these things not because it can be proven by fact, but because the spirit of the Lord has touched my soul in such a way that I cannot deny it. Yet, my faith wanes at times. That is part of the human experience. Our lives are full of ups and downs, yet when we really think about those ups are more numerous than the downs.

I know that not everybody believes in the same belief system that I do, yet I can still love all those that sojourn in this life with me. I am grateful that I have friends of different faiths. Because it makes the world a lot more interesting. And so even though at times I wonder where my faith is, when I remember my past, it gives me hope to the future and the reason? Because I know that I am loved by many people, but most importantly I am loved by a supreme being and that my friends is true faith!