Whether it is the fresh snow all around, the thoughts of another year gone by or the prospect of a new one, it seems that I find myself in a very somber/reflective mood lately. Here I am the father of six children. They are by far the greatest symbols of my life. I have a lovely wife that somehow keeps up with all of them and even finds time to be there supporting me. My job is great, and I work with some of the best people I know. I get to do what I love to do in my church assignment (teach) and really, life is pretty good. Its not perfect however. But is life suppose to be perfect? Can you imagine if it was? Would we ever be challenged and grow as people if we didn't have problems creep up? I guess that is why I get tired of all the negativity in the world. Life happens, and we just need to deal with it. Over the past few years, I have known people who have faced incredible challenges yet they persevere. Over the years working at the Credit Union, I have gotten to be friends with quite a few people. They will come into my office sit down and we will begin to expound on life, politics, sports, and religion. In those 10 or so minutes I have learned a lot from them. I have seen a couple of these individuals take life challenges and with a positive attitude make the best of a dire situation.
One such man was Gary. He was diagnosed with pancreatic/liver cancer. He and his wife were still quite young (early 50's) I had taught his daughter in Seminary. After a few chemo treatments, he decided that he wanted to live his last few months free of being sick from the chemo. The chances that Chemo was going to help was less than 50%. For the next few months he would pay me a visit. I could tell that he was in pain, but he always had such a cheerful countenance. We would talk about life and about his family. He had everything planned so that when he went, his family would be taken care of. He loved his family so much. He took his final trip to Mexico, and I looked forward to seeing his pictures. I will never forget the last day I saw him before that trip. He was so happy. A few days after he got home, he passed away. I never saw those last pictures. But when he left, he had left on his own terms, enjoying every last second. He wasn't depressed and he had left many memories for his family and for me. He was a great example to me.
So as I begin this season of renewal, I look forward to the future. My children are getting older more talented and at the same time I have less control over their lives. All I know is that when I slip through the eternal veil, I hope that my children will know me for who I am. I hope that I can convey to them my testimony of the Gospel of Jesus Christ. I hope that they will know that I have loved their mom with all my heart. I hope that they will know that I have tried to be a kind person, caring about others. That I care about my country which we live and that I have tried to make it a better place. I hope they know above all else, that I love them regardless of the situations they may find themselves in. Isn't that what we all want, someone to love us unconditionally? Luckily all of us has an example of that, a loving Heavenly Father who sent his Son Jesus Christ to help us get through this time of mortality.
So as I think about renewal it is I am recommitting myself to the values and principles that I know are true. Doing those little things that will make me stronger and more knowledgeable, both in spiritual and temporal ways. If I can do that, 2010 will be my best year ever.
